Happy that the doctor had bad news!

One thing that a lot of my friends and family don't know is that I am sick and have been for going on two years now. I am literally in pain every moment of every day of my life. I look fine on the outside and you would never know it by looking at me. But, I feel like I am prisoner in the body of a 75 year old. I am always walking around feeling like I am carrying around a ton of bricks.

I am paranoid that people think that I am lazy, unmotivated, and boring. But, it is hard for me to get through a full day's work or to stay out late on the weekends without feeling like the life hasn't been sucked out of me the following day. Heck, I get tired just going to the grocery store to pick up milk and bread.

So far, no doctor has given me a diagnosis that explains all of my symptoms. But, today I actually felt a sigh of relief when my doctor told me that my ANA test was positive. An ANA test is used to determine if someone has an autoimmune disease, more specifically lupus.

I am not happy to be sick, but happy to finally be able to put a name on why I feel the way that I do. So, I can say "I don't feel well because I have lupus" not just "I don't feel well." I know it is just a five letter word, but it makes me feel so good! It sounds important ... official even! Kind of like the difference between saying "I am a CPA" (certified professional accountant) and "I am an accountant."

I know that everyone has had a moment in their life when they felt so isolated from everyone around them because they didn't feel like anyone understood what they were going through, whether it be physical, emotional, financial, psychological, or spiritual in nature.